Interns skit
O’Brien spends some time with his show’s interns and gets to know what think of him. He asks them some questions about their complaints and duties on the show, and discovers that his assistant Sona sometimes uses his name to get the interns to do things for her.
Gabrielle Union interview
Union guests on Conan to promote her television show, Being Mary Jane. She also shares her obsession with big butts and exercise regimens of porn stars, and talks about trash-talking her fiancé, Dwyane Wade and other NBA players.
I’m bad, it’s awful. I make Richard Sherman seem like a Zen Buddhist. And Dwyane is not even immune. I become Richard Sherman, like it’s awful. I just lose my mind.
Chris Fairbanks stand-up
Fairbanks appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. He talks about being part Native American, being scared of pranked while on a port-a-potty, and being compared to Michelangelo’s David.
I’m like a sculpture. I was told that at a museum, when I walked in, the lady was like “Wow, you have the body of Michelango’s David”. I’m white, quite smooth and missing most of my penis. Nah, come on. It’s all there, works great.
Bill Burr interview
Burr returns to Conan and talks about his dislike for Super Bowl parties and journalists. He also shares his love of drinking and his support for Justin Bieber.
I have no problem with any of his behavior. His behavior is completely normal. The only thing I didn’t like was that shot where he was playing hoop. He hit like a 12-footer, and then he turns around, glaring at the camera, like I said he couldn’t do it or something.
On The Rise performance
The Kin performs On The Rise live on Conan to promote their new album, Get On It.
Pawnshop skit
O’Brien drops by a local L.A. pawnshop and tries to get as much money as he can for his personal memorabilia. Some of the items include an autographed photo, painting, custom G.I. Joe action figure, and a giant bobblehead. His assistant Sona Movsesian helps him negotiate.
Ragtime performance
Case performs Ragtime live on Conan to promote her album, The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You. Indie-folk band Calexico joins her band in the performance.
Martin Scorsese interview
Martin Scorsese sits down with O’Brien to promote his film Wolf of Wall Street. He talks about working with Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill, his experience with Quaaludes and his new way of navigating film sets.
Scorsese on his experience with drugs:
At that time, they were legal and I was actually prescribed a Quaalude for fear of flying. When you took this pill, it was like a five-hour flight, you took that pill, you didn’t care where you were.
Hurt You performance
Braxton and Babyface perform Hurt You live on Conan to promote their collaborative album, Love, Marriage & Divorce.
The Worst performance
Jhené Aiko performs The Worst live on Conan to promote her EP, Sail Out.
Larry King interview
Larry King visits Conan and talks to O’Brien about the late comedian Sid Caesar, his interviewing style, and his desire to by cryogenically frozen when he dies.
King on interviewing guests:
I left myself out of it. I didn’t use the word “I”. I asked short questions, listened to the answer. Listening is as important as what you ask because you have to follow up. I try to put guests at ease. I think it’s intrinsic, I was naturally curious. I still am.
Ron Funches stand-up
Funches gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. He talks about racist stereotypes, profane tattoos, and adopting a “defective” cat.
Found out horrible news while I was there, they force you to read brochures. Did you know that 40% of all North American cats are obese? I don’t know why you would chuckle at that. I will repeat it so you understand the gravity of the situation. 40% of all North American cats are obese! That is only great news if you love fat pussy.
Single Girl performance
The Hayden Triplets performs Single Girl live on Conan to promote their self-titled album. Producer Ry Cooder joins them on guitar.
Fortune Feimster stand-up
Feimster gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. Her routine talks about enjoying “modified” yoga poses, her fondness for Hooters, and resembling the entire family of Honey Boo Boo.
I want to get real for a second, guys. Have you ever been compared to the entire Honey boo boo family? Well, just me? Cool, cool, cool. That show came out and everybody start tweeting me, ‘Oh, my God, you look like Honey Boo Boo! You have to impersonate Honey Boo Boo!’ That is not a compliment, thank you.
Valentine’s Day skit
O’Brien visits a local flower shop in Sherman Oaks and tries his hand – without much success – at arranging Valentine’s Day bouquets. He meets a customer at the store and offers to make and deliver the bouquet himself.
Ted Alexandro stand-up
Alexandro gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about drinking coffee and wine, the creepy way classical radio deejays speak, and his fondness for the stereotypical gay voice.
It is fun to do the gay voice though, you know? Like seriously, whatever. I should say “stereotypically flamboyant gay voice”. Not all gay people talk like that. Unfortunately.
Betty White interview
Betty White returns to the Conan couch and chats with O’Brien about her flirting technique and hotdog-inspired fan art. She also openly expresses her admiration toward fellow guest Jason Momoa’s magazine cover.
White on flirting:
Not good at it. Who wants to flirt with a 92-year-old woman? You don’t get any takers. Well, you always kind of flirt a little. It’s always fun. It gets you in trouble sometimes. Well, I mean, you know, when you’re with a group and then all of a sudden, you just hold somebody’s eyes just a bit.
Best Day Of My Life performance
American Authors perform Best Day Of My Life live on Conan to promote their debut album, Oh, What A Life.
Isaac Witty stand-up
Witty delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about the implications of losing one’s hair, being bad at handshakes, and being mistaken for being creepy.
I suck at handshakes, right, screw them up all the time and never know how I’ll screw it up. Recently I was at a bar and saw someone I knew at the bar. And I wanted to greet him. And the opposite end of the room. And I start walking over toward him, right. But as soon as I started walking, that’s when he saw me. And our eyes met, right? And I freaked out. And that’s when I—I pulled my hand out. Like, way too soon.
WWE 2K14 game review
O’Brien reviews the game, WWE 2K14 for his web series, Clueless Gamer. On the first match, he plays Sheamus against his senior digital producer Aaron Bleyaert’s Kane. On the second match, O’Brien creates a custom player based in his own likeness, which he plays against The Rock.
One of the great things about this game is you can design your own character. I’ve been hard at work at mine, and that’s me. The absence of an ass. The corpse-like skin color is correct. Absolute existential despair, that’s me. I’m ready to go.
