Diary of a Mad Diva
Rivers publishes Diary of a Mad Diva, a satirical rift on diary writing. She lambasts Anne Frank and Sylvia Plath, as well as celebrities and royalty. Based on the premise that her daughter gave her a diary for Christmas, Rivers wonders “who the hell does Melissa think she is? That fat pig, Bridget Jones?”
Woke up not feeling well. I spent the entire day online on WebMD. … I can say with 100 percent certainty that I have pleurisy, tuberculosis, brain stem cancer or an enlarged prostate. I found a great cure for whatever ails you. God bless the Internet! A coffee enema. … The only negative: I can never go back to Starbucks.
I Hate Everyone… Starting with Me
Rivers publishes I Hate Everyone… Starting with Me a comedic diatribe on everyone she hates, including herself.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
—Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850How do I hate thee? How much time do you have?
—Joan Rivers, today, about two-ish
Murder at the Academy Awards
Rivers publishes a murder mystery with Jerrilyn Farmer, Murder at the Academy Awards: A Red Carpet Murder Mystery. The novel is is a thinly disguised roman à clef, where Joan is Maxine Taylor, who with her daughter Drew, a cover for her daughter Melissa Rivers, track down the murder of a Hollywood starlet who mysteriously drops dead on the Academy Awards red carpet.
Even the dust jacket was made by Chanel.
Men are Stupid…and They Like Big Boobs
Rivers publishes Men are Stupid…and They Like Big Boobs: A Woman’s Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery. Rivers talks about liposuction and Botox written in her characteristic self-deprecating style.
I’m a plastic surgery whore.
Don’t Count the Candles
Rivers publishes a self-help book on staying young, Don’t Count the Candles: Just Keep the Fire Lit! She offers advice on how to stay youthful at middle age, her experiences with plastic surgery, and her own spin on what it means to get older as a woman — and how to cope.
At fifty, confine your piercing to sardine cans and keep your hair short.
Bouncing Back
Rivers publishes a self-help book, Bouncing Back: I’ve Survived Everything… and I Mean Everything…and You Can Too!.
Dr. Kevorkian will get no call from me, unless I think he’d look good in a brooch.
Still Talking
Rivers publishes her second memoirish tell-all, Still Talking with Richard Merryman. In her characteristic comedic vitriolic style, she talks about her husband Edgar Rosenberg’s suicide, the birth of her daughter Melissa, gossip about celebrities, and ribs on the entertainment industry, and sex.
I know nothing about sex. All my mother told me was that the man gets on top, the woman gets on the bottom. I bought bunk beds.
Enter Talking
Rivers publishes Enter Talking, a memoir recounting her early career in television and her work on the Johnny Carson Show, and advice to wannabe media stars.
I could not endure the reality that I might end up Joan Molinsky, an unattractive, nondescript little Jewish girl, run-of-the-mill, who might just as well have stayed in Brooklyn and married the druggist and had a normal life. I had come from normal life, from real life, and nobody there had been happy. I knew I had to be special, had to have a life different from anything I had ever known, and if I ended up ordinary Joan Molinsky, I would always be unhappy and make my husband and children unhappy.
The Life and Hard Times of Heidi Abromowitz
Rivers releases her book The Life and Hard Times of Heidi Abromowitz published under the Delacorte imprint. The 99-page comedic fiction is a humorous biography of “a loose woman” filled with Rivers’s off-color one-liners and social commentary with illustrations by James Sherman.
Never put off for tomorrow who you can put out for tonight – Heidi Abromowitz
Having a Baby Can Be a Scream
Rivers publishes Having a Baby Can Be a Scream, a comedic look at childbirth and a persona account of raising her daughter, Melissa Rivers.
As Melissa grew, I was delighted to see that she was bright, all things considered.