Slash performs Nothing Left to Fear on Conan to promote his first film production of the same title. He is joined by Alter Bridge’s Myles Kennedy on vocals and guitar.
The cast of Breaking Bad visits Conan for a special episode dedicated to the TV show. After the show’s Breaking Bad-themed cold open, O’Brien interviews the entire cast in which Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul share a strange fan letter, Dean Norris talks about the meaning behind his newborn son’s middle name and Bob Odenkirk reminisces over his early days as a writer for Late Night.
The cast gives away fake blue meth to the studio audience, and the band Los Cuates de Sinaloa performs Negro y Azul (The Ballad of Heisenberg).
Louis C.K. returns to Conan and reminisces working with O’Brien as a writer at Late Night. He also talks about his experience flirting with Gwyneth Paltrow and his opinion on the cell phone culture.
You know, I think these things are toxic, especially for kids. It’s this thing. It’s bad. They don’t look at people when they talk to them. They don’t build the empathy. Kids are mean and it’s because they’re trying it out. They look at a kid and they go, you’re fat. Then they see the kid’s face scrunch up and say ooh, that doesn’t feel good. But when they write they’re fat, they go, hmm, that was fun.
Caplan promotes Masters of Sex. She also talks about her family’s sex-inspired cookbook and the banality of watching sex scenes at work. On people’s unique sexual techniques:
What I’ve learned is that everybody masturbates really differently. It’s sort of beautiful. One would assume, hey, everybody just does it the way I do it. Not the case. People come up with crazy stuff. And you know they’re just doing it the way that they normally do.
O’Brien reviews the video game, Grand Theft Auto V on his web segment, Clueless Gamer. Joined by his Senior Digital Producer, Aaron Bleyaert, he attempts to accomplish missions, but repeatedly fails. He critiques the quality of the vehicles and questions why they have to save certain “unimportant” characters.
You know what, nice, this is sort of pro-Obamacare. Look at him. He went to the crappiest looking hospital in the world and he’s out.
Obeid performs stand-up comedy on Conan. His routine talks about being a mixed race American, gay rights and analogies that he uses to explain history and racism.
Actually, I used to teach American history to kids from the inner city. So I had to come up with analogies—gangster analogies—to relate the material. Like we were doing American history of the 1900’s. I was like the 1900’s. You got your French homie and your British homie. A German dude starts picking on your homies. You’re like “what the hell?” So, you knock the German dude out and the whole party’s like, “damn.”
Kruger guests on Conan to promote The Bridge. She also chats about her not-so-romantic first date with boyfriend Joshua Jackson, her dislike of guns, and her fondness for reality show, Honey Boo Boo.
I watch Honey Boo Boo. It’s like watching Star Wars. I’m not an American, so that part of America is so foreign to me. They’re actually happier than any of us. They love each other.
O’Brien reviews the video game, Splinter Cell: Blacklist on his web segment, Clueless Gamer. He is joined by hip-hop artist, J. Cole, who serves as his guide in playing the game. O’Brien criticizes the characters’ eyesight and speculates on the main characters’ relationship status. They play together and fail to complete their mission. Cole gives the game a “Tupac – Me Against The World” rating, while O’Brien gives it a “Kay Kyser – Jingle, Jangle, Jingle” rating.
We’ve established that Cole is very good at this game, I, a little less so. My game may improve if we play together. I’d say I have your back but I’m not good at turning around.
Deyo gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about being a former school teacher, his opinion on Apple’s Genius Bars, and keeping the romance alive in married life.
I have been married a while. I have a friend in a new relationship, though. I find that to be quite amusing. Just the other day she told me when she and her boyfriend make love, time stands still. I feel bad breaking the news to her that if they start making love at 9:25 and then when it’s all done she looks at the clock and it’s — still 9:25, Johnny endurance did not bend the space time continuum.
Scovel returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routine is accompanied by piano music, and talks about marijuana laws in California, dealing with growing older, and the odd locations of grocery store bathrooms.
They’re not in the corners leek they’re supposed to be. You have a public restroom, put them in the corners, we’ll find them. Grocery stores are like, no, we’re going to put them beyond these double doors that you don’t know if you’re allowed to go beyond or not. The doors — doors don’t say “employees only”, so the mystery — I don’t know, can I go back there? You have to go up to some 16-year-old kid who is restocking the soup and ask for permission to use the bathroom as an adult.
Braunohler gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. He talks about Los Angeles radio songs, strange things you can do to keep things exciting, and being breastfed until the age of five.
I like to do stupid things to strangers because I think it helps make the world a better place. So, guys, here’s three fun things you can do today to make the world a better place. One, next time you fart just yell, “nothing but net!” Confusing and fun to say.
Cole performs the song Crooked Smile on Conan to promote his latest album, Born Sinner, and his upcoming North American tour.
Stone guests on Conan and talks to O’Brien about her early days working as a pie girl at Bob’s Big Boy. She also shares a photo of herself with an Israeli fan, and recreates her famous leg cross in Basic Instinct.
I made the pies. when you go to Bob’s Big Boy, they had all these kind of fruit pies, and when you start, that’s the first job you get. I guess I just have that pie-making look.
McCullough gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. He talks about living in New York’s Chinatown, moving to Los Angeles and having difficulty finding friends there, as well as the reason Jeopardy is superior to all other television show.
So you could be smart enough to get on Jeopardy, not need the money at all, ring in first after every single clue no matter what, and just share your opinions with America, and nobody can stop you.
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros returns to Conan and gives a live performance of Better Days, a song from their new self-titled album.
Perkins appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. He talks about misguided actions on Facebook, and the devolution of video games.
You want to tell people things. I get it. But surprises me is why do people care? That’s what changed here. It’s our fault. We collectively encourage this behavior. You don’t believe me. Go home tonight, type anything on your page. Type I like almonds and eight other people will like it. You understand? “I like almonds too.” “Good call on the almonds.” “He’s right about that.”
The 1975 perform Chocolate during the Conan show to promote their album The 1975.
Professor Cox guests on Conan to discuss myths about the Large Hadron Collider and possible life in outer space. He also reveals to O’Brien that teleportation has already been done on small particles.
We’ve already done teleportation on a very small scale. You missed it. We’ve teleported, it’s been a prediction of quantum theory for decades, and we’ve done it with small particles, single particles. So the question is, can you do it with bigger things? We don’t know is the answer.
Morin guests on Conan to promote his upcoming television show, Undateable. He also talks about his experiences dating rich girls and his crush on Bradley Cooper.
I’m not gay, but if he committed a crime and I witnessed it and he fled the scene and the cops said, “Could you describe him?” I’d be like, “6’3”, built like a God”.
Morin performs stand-up comedy on Conan. His routine talks about dealing with beautiful women and his struggles to act super cool around them.
I like women that are out of my league. You women, are mean, very mean, it’s hard to hit on you. Because women will turn you down right away and say things you don’t need to know about yourself. Just say “no.”
Kluwe guests on Conan and talks about his controversial letter to Maryland state assembly delegate Emmett Burns regarding same-sex marriage and gay rights. He also reveals that he is an avid world of Warcraft and table top miniatures player and that NFL players can be smart, too.
That’s the thing is that a lot of people have this assumption of NFL players as knuckle dragging troglodytes because you only hear about bad players. Those are the guys that make the news. There are a lot of smart players in the locker room. But you don’t hear about them because they take care of business and they go home. Who wants to report on that?
O’Brien investigates a stolen mug that belongs to his assistant, Sona. He interviews several members of his staff and eventually locates the mug and finds out that it was brought there by an intern of his show.
Nielsen appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. He talks about the political incorrectness of “drag queens”, his hallucination issues, and inconsistencies in the game, Donkey Kong.
In the first Donkey Kong game, this evil gorilla grabs a woman and climbs up a construction site with her and you play Mario, who goes after her. In the second game, Mario has kidnapped the gorilla and taken him to the jungle. And the two games cancel each other out. If you play both of them you’ve done nothing.
Headey guests on Conan and talks about the controversial wedding scene on the show, Game of Thrones, and how she feels about the fate of some of the characters. She also discusses some of the fans’ reactions to her own character, Cersei Lannister.
Yes, but they’re not—I mean, I guess it’s a compliment when someone’s buying a table and someone goes, you’re the (beep) on—All people say “I love her”, and I kind of worry for them.
Kaplan gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. He talks about his recent interest in Buddhism, time travel, and an encounter of his friend George and actor Bill Murray.
Big fan of Buddhism. Ordered a book on it. It hasn’t arrived yet, so I presume it’s been within me all this time. First chapter is probably like “Get rid of all your possessions.” Don’t even have all the books.
Eisenberg guests on Conan to promote his film Now You See Me. He also talks about his experience being flashed in Mardi Gras, brags about acting alongside Sir Michael Caine and shares his co-star, Woody Harrelson’s, hypnotism skills.
Yes, except the difference was he thought he was like doing really well. I think he might have doing well, but it was the kind of thing, he plays a hypnotist and trying to hypnotize everybody on the set. We’re trying to be polite because he is famous and a great actor. I don’t know how effective it was or how polite we were.
Abrams returns as a guest on Conan to promote his film Star Trek Into Darkness. He also talks about a deleted scene featuring a showering Benedict Cumberbatch and promises O’Brien that he will include the expression “jub-jub” in the next Star Wars movie.
It’s like the “in” joke thing with people who I work, hiding, R2-D2 is hidden in the movie. A beverage called Slusho, all of these stupid little things, if you care to look for it, you’ll find them.
Larson gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. He talks about an elaborate story in which he goes along with a wrong number call.
I’m so excited I take out my cell phone and I’m going to save that guy’s number and give him a call in a couple of days and touch base. Check in. See where we’re at, you know? So I save it in my phone under “random guy.” That’s what he is, a random guy.
Mauss appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. He talks about racist white people, the advantages of having gay men around, and the reason why indifference is better than tolerance.
I’m not preaching gay tolerance either, by the way. I find that word ‘tolerance’ insulting – “Oh, I tolerate you, I tolerate your behavior that I don’t actually agree with.” How about indifference? Who cares what anyone does in their bedroom?
Kesha returns to the Conan couch and presents him with custom underwear as a gift. She also talks shows her new lip tattoo and talks about her unique songwriting process, which involves her breasts. She shares the hidden meanings of some of her songs and tells O’Brien of her liking to men with full beards.
I take things too far sometimes. It was just really downhill from there, because then I started this Tumblr page and I just started putting every rogue beard I could find… just in my mouth.
Schumer returns to Conan as a guest to promote her new sketch show, Inside Amy Schumer. She also talks about how much lying happens on her dates and her experience going out with a wrestler.
We were just very different sexually. Like he was very active in bed, and like moving around. And my style, I like… laying there.
Notaro returns to Conan as a guest to promote her audio stand up performance, Live and her upcoming national tour and. She also talks about her bout with cancer and the importance of living in the present.
I’m doing really well. I’m in remission. I went through a lot last year, and not to be totally intense, heavy, serious, but you know, I learned that it’s important to be present and live your life.
Charlie Sheen makes a military-style entrance on Conan, where he talks to O’Brien about a brand of pot named after him, the cause of his meltdown, and his desire to become friends with Justin Bieber.
Coster-Waldau visits Conan to talk about Game of Thrones and being able to attend events that recognize the show. He also discusses why his character, Jamie Lannister, has been unkempt lately and also shares an awkward encounter with George Clooney.
I was dying – I just had to go to the restroom. And finally, it’s over and I’m just running out there and it’s packed with people. And all the urinals are taken, but then I spot – there’s stall there, the door was open, and “I’m gonna go, I’m not gonna let anyone get there”, because I was dying. And then this guy is in there, and then I just go for it – I didn’t know he was in there – the door was open. And so I just go for it, he was standing, I’m pretty sure there was spillage, and I said sorry, and he said sorry, and I go “Oh my God, that’s George Clooney.”
During his show’s week-long run in Atlanta, Georgia, O’Brien enrolls in a southern charm school to learn some proper etiquette and manners. Under the guidance of expert Cindy Haygood, he learns the correct way of shaking hands, dressing up, dining, and making conversation.
During his show’s week-long residence in Atlanta, Georgia, O’Brien visits the city of Resaca to join the Civil War reenactment. He dresses up as a soldier named Pvt. Jedidiah Longtree of the 123rd N.Y. Infantry and tries to build rapport with the other reenactors.
Kashian gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. She talks about being a female stand-up comic, finding her husband through online dating, and the advantages of being married to a video games designer.
And I recommend — I tell people go out with a guy who plays video games. Go out with a guy that reads comic books. Marry that guy because that guy’s home right now.
Lenox appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routine talks about the struggles of being partially blind, the reactions he got from people after his eye surgery, and contemplating suicide if the surgery failed.
After I got this eye surgically repaired, that’s how I found out about my old eye because their excitement about the new eye was too much. Darryl, you look like a normal human being. I can’t wait to have sex with you with my eyes open now, baby. I thought her eyes were closed because I was killing her, you know what I mean? I thought I was making her dizzy. I didn’t know she had a gag reflex with my wobbly eye.
Ben Folds Five performs Erase Me, a song from their latest album, Ben Folds Five Live.
Cotillard guests on Conan and talks to O’Brien about her uniquely sexy magazine photo shoot, her love of comedy, and mild obsession Will Ferrell.
Riggle returns to the Conan couch to promote his new web series, Coogan Auto. He also talks about his actual method in making his NFL picks and some of his predictions for the Superbowl. He also explains a controversial photo featuring himself seemingly ogling Jennifer Lawrence.
This was so unfair! So, she won for Best Action Actress, and she’s amazing. She came up on the stage and I don’t even think I shook hands, I just said “Congratulations” and then we had to back away. And so she stepped up to the microphone, we were squared up and as she turned to the microphone, we all backed away. And as we backed away, I was looking to see where we were going, and sha-boom. Right there.
Gervais returns to Conan and chats with O’Brien about his Scandinavian comedy tour and Netflix series, Derek. They briefly discuss Gervais’ bathtub Twitter photos, after which they both hop into a bubble bath-filled tub on stage to take a special Twitpic.
Pratt guests in Conan to promote his film, Zero Dark Thirty. He shares his rigorous fitness regimen for his role as a Navy SEAL in the movie, and shows a photo of the results. He also talks about some of his earlier jobs, including being a very good coupon salesman.
I sold coupons. It was one of these kinda multi-level marketing schemes where if you work really hard and make your boss a lot of money, one day, you can have your own office. I did it for two years, from the time I was 18 to 20, and I ended up opening my own office.
Biel guests on Conan to chat about her recent marriage to Justin Timberlake, and explains to O’Brien that he can no longer flirt with her. She also talks about her childhood as a tomboy, including being into sports and decapitating dolls.
Yeah, I had Barbies for a minute, but they didn’t really stick around very long. I ended up mutilating them, pulling their heads up, cutting up all of their hair, dying them with markers, and sticking them on the Christmas tree lights.
During his trip to Ireland, O’Brien visits The Dublin Guinness Brewery in the hopes of getting a free pint of Guinness. He tours the premises and learns all about the production process with the help of a tour guide and Master Brewer.
O’Brien visits a local Halloween store, Cinema Secrets, to check out some of the most popular Halloween masks and costumes. He chats with a few customers and comments on some of the store’s sexy costumes, fake facial hair, and kids’ costumes.
Helberg guests on Conan and talks about his newborn baby and his experience doing yoga with his child and wife. He also does an impression of Robin Williams and explains the “stool phase” of every entertainer’s career.
I realized that he got to a point in his career where… there’s a certain point in a person’s career where he brings out a stool. There’s a moment in the night where Rod Stewart brings out that stool, and he sits down, and it’s always like, “Have I told you lately…” and everyone is like “yes!”
Wilson guests on Conan to promote her new film, Bachelorette. She also talks about her family, as well as her technique to mastering the American accent. She also reads a disgruntled neighbor’s letter addressed to herself and her roommate, Matt Lucas.
We got a letter in the mailbox, which I brought in today. It was a little bit disturbing because it’s anonymous for a start, and I’ll just read it out to you in how I think the person who wrote it sounds like.
Fellow talk show host Williams guests on Conan and talks about the ups and downs of being a tall celebrity, and her massive collection of wigs.
Rousey talks about her racy ESPN photo shoot, the lesser known rules of MMA matches, her trademark armbar move, and her take on having sex before a match.