Esposito gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. Her routine talks about being questioned about her sexuality based on her fashion style, and being misunderstood because of her unconventional party choices.
You don’t have to feel weird. I’m an advocate and an ally. I want you to know that. My parents are straight. I’ve seen their relationship and I know there can be real love there. I think we can be different. We should celebrate that. We shouldn’t shame anyone for being different.
Lawrence guests on Conan to announce the production of Bad Boys 3. He also talks about his fitness regimen to stay young-looking and suggests a role that O’Brien could play in the movie.
I just talked to Jerry [Bruckheimer] yesterday. He said it’s real, they’re working on the script, getting closer. It all looks good. We want to cast you in it. You know what you could play? A crooked cop on crack.
Ty Segall performs the track, Feel live on Conan to promote his album, Manipulator.
O’Brien and co-host Andy Richter remembers the late Robin Williams by chatting about his various acts of kindness and generosity. They mention one moment where Williams gives O’Brien an outrageous bicycle to cheer him up during the Tonight Show debacle. They also proceed to show a montage of the guestings Williams did in O’Brien’s various late night shows.
I knew Robin just in show business, and we did a few projects, benefits and things together. And he had been a guest on the show. For my money, best talk show guest ever, brilliantly funny. That’s obvious to everyone what a brilliant talent he was. Just as a quick example of what he was like, a bunch of years ago, five years ago, I went through publicly kind of a bump in the road and I was feeling a little low. Out of the blue Robin Williams buys me a bicycle. And it sounds like a silly thing, you know? He was the first person to buy me a bicycle since my parents bought me a bicycle when I was 35.
Lake Street Dive performs the track, Stop Your Crying on Conan to promote their album, Bad Self Portraits.
Booker performs the song Have You Seen My Son on Conan to promote his self-titled debut album.
Fox guests on Conan to promote her film, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She shares her childhood memories of growing up in an ultra-conservative household where watching TV was not allowed, and her personal campaign to get the role of April O’Neil. She also gives O’Brien and astrological reading and tells him what his spirit animal is.
I have been good at it. I have been able to predict some of the births of my friends’ children based on where the moon is. I actually had something made up, it’s your natal chart, I left it. Your sun is an Aries and that’s the tip of the iceberg, the ruling planet is mars who is the God of war. Usually you’re going to find them being firefighters, policemen, they’re like, the instinctual heroes and to me, I don’t know you, but to me you seem more like an instinctual reader.
King returns to the Conan couch and calls out O’Brien on his previous comment about his weak handshake. He also talks about his friendship with Snoop Dogg and his experience with marijuana, and proceeds to split a pot brownie with O’Brien and Richter.
I smoked it a few times with my doctor. I smoked it a few times, it was very enjoyable. I liked it.
Morril gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about hooking up, how a comic’s life comprises porn and Facebook, and dealing with issues of race and sexuality in New York City.
Every porn online now has a link that says “Share” or “Post to Facebook”. I don’t know who’s doing that.
Scott makes his television debut on Conan, and performs Unbreakable, a track from his latest album My Hurricane. He also promotes his upcoming tour with One Direction and One Republic.
The cast of Orange Is The New Black visits Conan for a special episode dedicated to the Netflix TV series. The cold open features Laverne Cox’s character grooming O’Brien’s hair for the monologue. Kate Mulgrew talks about dancing the Irish jig on Late Night, Uzo Aduba tries to teach O’Brien how to do “crazy eyes”, and the rest of the cast discuss their rapport on the show. Mulgrew on their working relationship:
You know why we get along so well? It’s vanity free. We have to get in the uniform. Stripped of ego.
Diggs guests on Conan and talks about the possibility of starring in the Magic Mike sequel. He also discusses his desire to play a Marvel super hero on-screen as well as his soft spot for touching commercials.
It’s embarrassing. It shows all these guys in these wheelchairs and they’re talking about teamwork and whatnot, and how it’s not just for one person, and everybody has to be a team. And then at the end of the commercial, you realize everybody gets up from the wheelchairs except one dude, and you realize all these people were playing basketball with the dude on the wheelchair, and they were all playing in the wheelchair to make him feel included.
Amos takes to her piano and performs the track Wild Way on Conan to promote her latest album, Unrepentant Geraldines.
Oldman chats with O’Brien about working with Francis Ford Coppola and preparing for his role in Dracula. They also watch a montage of Oldman’s death scenes in the films he has made.
We rehearsed for four weeks in Napa Valley with Coppola. And they went off and did various things for research, but I said, “Well, what do I do? Because I’m 300 years old and I’m dead.” But when I got back to California, when I got back to Los Angeles, he sent me over a coffin… I think he wanted me to have sex in it.
Reiner returns to Conan and talks to O’Brien about his interesting experience with a co-star in summer theater. He also promotes his latest book and invents a new Twitter craze called the ‘selfishie’.
There’s a thing called a ‘selfie’, but I feel so proud – when you come up with something original. He [O’Brien] was backstage and I wanted to do a selfie with him. Then I came up, I said, I want to do something better than a selfie. So I did a ‘selfishie’.
O’Brien tries out Tinder for the first time by creating fake profiles with Dave Franco and finding a match whom they meet in person.
This is what the Internet can do. It can bring a bunch of people who were strangers just an hour ago, together in the night, on to the street, outside a really creepy van, where they hold themselves a little too long, and then probably never see each other again.
Yankovic gives a live performance of his song, Tacky on Conan. A spoof of Pharrell Williams’ hit, Happy, the song is one of the many spoofs in his latest album, Mandatory Fun.
Sheen guests on Conan to promote Masters of Sex. He also talks about how he handles the amount of nudity on the set and prepares for sexy scenes, as well as what his mother thinks of the show.
It’s a fine line because you don’t want people to think that you’re being creepy. You don’t want people to think that you’re ogling them. I did a bit of research because my character starts off as a gynecologist.
Normand returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routine talks about suspicious Facebook ads, the perks of having gay guys around and the double standard that promiscuous women face in society.
I feel sorry for women when it comes to sex. Girl has sex with a lot of guys, everybody makes fun of her. Guys are cool. Double standard. I hate when guys pull this move. I had sex with the girl, I’m the man. She had sex with him too, “Oh, what a slut.” That’s not fair. How come she’s a slut now and not a slut when she had sex with you?
Manganiello drops by Conan and talks to O’Brien about being People magazine’s Hollywood’s Hottest Bachelor. They also chat about his role as Big Dick Richie in Magic Mike, after which he teaches the TV host some stripper moves. On O’Brien’s possible stripper persona:
I think ‘Big Red’ could work. Like a viking with a helmet and like a pull-away armor – I’m here to pillage your village and your women.
Gonzalez visits Conan and talks to O’Brien about his racy magazine cover and gives him some tips on how to pose nude. He also talks about the support of their fans at the World Cup.
Being down in Brazil and seeing all the fans’ support, everyone going to the group showings, it was fantastic to see how many people were rallying behind us.
O’Brien will debut his late-night TV talk show in the UK from August 4. It will air Monday to Thursday on the free-to-air network, truTV. On the difference between American and British guests:
Sometimes I prefer [UK] guests because the American guests that I talk to… some of the actors get it from the (Marlon) Brando/James Dean school of ‘You’re only cool if you mumble and you look up’. Whereas you get these British actors on who are just great storytellers; they’re bright and they want to mix it up and not everything has to be airbrushed by a publicist beforehand.
Vieira sits down with O’Brien and talks about her upcoming daytime talk show and a unique segment idea that she has for it. They also discuss her affectionate nature and her dog’s propensity to attack people who go near her.
I like to kiss people, hug people, I like to touch. It’s very interesting because at the Today Show, they had Purell stations everywhere. So, you’d hug and kiss, and then you’d Purell.
O’Brien sends Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to various parts of Queens, New York to interview avid soccer fans as they support their teams in the World Cup. The three-part skit features fans of Uruguay, Greece, Ivory Coast, and Brazil, among others.
Ice-T returns to Conan and chats with O’Brien about his wife’s famous derrière and the secret to enhancing that part of the body. He also shares his special victory dance when he wins a level on Call of Duty.
When people see something that they can’t believe, they go “it has to be fake”. I say, just take it as a compliment. If I get in the gym and get in shape, they’re like, “you’ve got to be on steroids”. Just take it as a compliment. She got a breast job, but the butt is real.
O’Brien drops by this year’s Electronic Entertainment Expo, which is held at the Los Angeles Convention Center. He interacts with participants and tries out such games as Sunset Overdrive, Hyrule Warriors, Project Morpheus, and Forza Motorsport 5.
Ice Cube returns as a guest on Conan to promote Ride Along. He also talks about twerking, his swearing rules for his children, and the possibility of casting Conan in 23 Jump Street. He also discusses how much he is annoyed by Kevin Hart.
Kevin annoys me. All I have to think about how much he annoys me. I don’t break. I don’t crack. And you know, I’ve worked with a lot of different comedians, you know what I mean from Chris Tucker to Mike Epps and Tracy Morgan. And you know, I’m the ultimate straight man. I never crack because I think I owe it to the performer to let him do his thing.
Kondabolu delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about colonialism, illogical opinions based on clichés and being an unconventional sports enthusiast.
So I was overhearing the conversation and this man was making a brilliant argument about why English should be the national language of this country. He said when in Rome, you do what the Romans do. He used a cliche which offended me because I have strong opinions but I try to justify them with facts and logic. I’m pro-choice. I have really strong opinions about pro-choice. You don’t hear me saying, I’m pro-choice so don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
Wood Jr. returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routine talks about the reason why Captain America is the greatest superhero, his respect for the theater ticket guy, and talking to customer service representatives.
Everybody wants to buddy up. It takes longer to get off the phone with customer service than it takes to ask the one question you have. “Again, again my name is Daniel. Did I meet all of your expectations? Won’t you take a survey? On a scale of 1-5, is there anything different I could have done” — yes, you could have hung up by now. You could have done that!
White performs Temporary Ground on Conan. Joined by an upright bassist, dobro player and fiddle player he renders a stripped down version of the song, which is part of the album Lazaretto.
Edwards returns to Conan to deliver a stand-up comedy performance. His routine talks about African-American stereotypes and famous black personalities that contribute to these stereotypes.
Bernie Madoff was one dude in a suit. He stole more money than every black dude in the history of hoodies combined, you know what I’m saying? He stole $65 billion. Black dudes in hoodies ain’t mugged a million yet. One dude in a suit outstole an entire race.
Tatum and Hill guest on Conan to promote 22 Jump Street. They also talk about Tatum’s incessant physical bullying of Hill and their strange bet involving the movie’s opening sales figures and kissing a private body part. Tatum:
All right, in a movie opening weekend, if your movie breaks $30 million, you had a very, very good weekend. Jonah thought that it would just break 30. I thought it was going to break 35. He said if it breaks 35, I will kiss the tip of your [beep].
Bob Mould performs the song, I Don’t Know You Anymore live on Conan to promote his new solo album, Beauty & Ruin.
Fonda guests on Conan to promote her book, Being a Teen. She gives O’Brien some tips on how to deal with sex and aging, and recalls her encounter with a bear during her days as a rancher’s wife to Ted Turner.
Suddenly my golden retriever came running out of the bedroom yelping like crazy. I went running in and there right in front of me walking from the screen door that he had come through, was a bear headed for the crib where my grandson. I was like, what do I do? I don’t know where my gun is. I opened my bathrobe and I went ‘raaaaa!’
Twin Shadow makes a live premiere performance of the single, To The Top on Conan. He sings at the center of his band and backup vocalists.
Vider delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about his financial struggles, using fake kidnapping to get money from his parents and being set up by his parents with a woman.
My parents tried setting me up with a girl. Don’t do that. Don’t have your parents play matchmaker. This is how they describe her. “Gary, she’s perfect. She’s the girl version of you.” Girl version of me? I’m 5’6″, 140 pounds, I suck at sports, I am the girl version of me.
Macdonald returns as a guest on Conan to talk about his dislike of Oscar Pistorius and his plans of taking over the Late Late Show. He also tells a long and strange joke, and attempts to do a talk show in under 60 seconds.
The big news is Oscar Pistorius. And I don’t like him, don’t care for him, never did. I don’t have problems with the murder. But I never liked him racing with them things that look like something Wile E. Coyote would order.
Veruca Salt’s original band members gives their first live performance in 18 years on Conan. They perform their hit song Seether to promote their upcoming reunion tour.
Recine delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about Mrs. Doubtfire, illogical song lyrics and white parents adopting foreign babies.
I always pick up on stuff like that in movies and music. I notice the other day there was a lot of songs out there about like catching somebody who cheated on you. But you don’t hear any songs about like thinking somebody cheated on and you then confronting them and then you’re wrong, and they—you have to stand there like an idiot. Listen to her explanation of where she was.
Reilly guests on Conan to promote his new book, Tiger, meet my sister… He also talks about Tiger Woods’ tipping habits, as well as his experiences interviewing Donald Sterling and Lance Armstrong. On forgiving Armstrong for lying to him:
I did, because the thing that matters the most with Lance Armostrong is working with cancer, people, he can’t now. He started a foundation called Livestrong that made $500 million, raised $500 million for cancer patients and he’s not welcome there. No one will touch this guy and that’ s what he gets most emotional about.
Martin guests on the Conan and chats with O’Brien about differences between the deaths in the Games of Thrones books and the TV show, as well as President Obama’s reference to the hit show during the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. He also reveals his reluctance to include dragons in his stories.
I think magic has to be handled very carefully in fantasy. Phyllis was right. You need some magic in a fantasy, but too much magic is like too much salt in the stew. All you can taste is the salt and anything can happen.
Hamilton gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about his eternally cheerful facial expression, which does not accurately convey his true emotions. He also jokes about his struggles in dating and being single.
I always look like this. And I look really happy all the time. I am well aware that I look just ecstatic constantly. And I don’t feel like this. I really don’t. I feel — I feel OK. I feel fine. And I look crazy happy. I don’t really buy it really. I look in the mirror and I go, that is inaccurate.
Heller does a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. Her routine talks about the rules of housesitting, making a cat sex tape and being a single woman in Los Angeles.
I love living in L.A. My favorite radio station here is KDAY. You guys like that? Awesome, they play ’90’s hip-hop which I love. My only problem with it is I am a woman and sometimes they talk about us like we can’t hear them. But don’t want to stop listening so instead I have been friending the songs are about something complete different and willfully destroying the lyrics like when Juvenile’s is like, “Girl you look good, back that thing up.” I’m like he’s probably singing about her hard drive.
Osbourne returns to Conan and talks about her dislike of singing talent shows and her husband Ozzy’s fondness for Taylor Swift.
Ziggy Marley returns to Conan to perform his latest single, I Don’t Wanna Live on Mars off the album, Fly Rasta.
Short returns to Conan and chats with O’Brien about his disdain for telemarketers and opinion on fellow-Torontian, Rob Ford. He also regales the audience with stories of parties that he’s attended including an anecdote about Nick Nolte. On his story-telling ability:
I can remember all dates. I was telling someone just the other day, I have this strange thing where I can remember dates. I know exactly what I was doing the third month into my 27th year.
Alonzo returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. Her routine talks about her love-hate relationship with the Dallas Cowboys and her experience growing up in a poor, small town in Texas.
Morgan returns as a guest at Conan to promote his stand-up show Bona Fide. He also talks about his newborn daughter, his alter ago, Chico Devine and how he got kicked out of Prince’s house.
I’ve got to leave Chico alone, I’ve got a beautiful daughter now. Chico Devine got me kicked out of Prince’s house. Prince is a freak, but I’m a big old freak. I’m a little bitty bing bong freak.
Wayans appears on Conan to promote his comedy competition show Funniest Wins. He also talks about how different black people and white people age, his crush on Ronda Rousey and his fantasy of being subdued by her.
That’s just sexy, ain’t it? Look how aggressive she is. There’s something just about a woman that can you kick your behind. There’s just something sexy about it. I want Laila Ali to just punch me in the face. I want her to just take me…cause she does this move… an armbar.
Soder returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routines talks about spending time with his grandmother, society’s treatment of the elderly and the degeneration of today’s youth.
You know what really disturbs me the most, though, the thought that that’s the generation that’s going to have to defend us against China? Feel safe? Feel safe knowing that, an entire army in 20 years, they would storm the beach like, “But I have a shell fish allergy”.