MGMT performs their song Cool Song No. 2 on Conan to promote their self-titled album. Lead vocalist Andrew VanWyngarden sports a checked cape and fuzzy hood, while the rest of the band dons black-and-white patterned onesies.
Escondido appears on Conan to perform Cold October a song from their latest LP, The Ghost of Escondido.
Gleeson does a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about recently coming out as gay, events in his childhood that may have showed signs of his sexual orientation and his new experiences with the gay community.
For months I just thought that’s what happens when you come out of the closet, people just start screaming like a maniac. What I eventually figured out was that candle had been sitting there for hours when I blew it out, I showered her face with hot wax. I glazed it like it was a donut.
During Conan’s week-long residence in Dallas, Texas, Charles Barkley sits down with O’Brien and Richter to chat about rich athletes who are poor tippers. He also shares his opinion on football players, and reacts to a doctored photo of him that Shaquille O’Neal posted online.
On his rivalry with O’Neal:
You know, I choose not to do any social media, so I’m not going to take any shots back at him.
During his show’s week-long residence in Dallas, Texas, O’Brien visits the Mary Kay headquarters and tries out being one of their beauty consultants for a day. Guided by an actual consultant, he learns how to use some the brand’s cosmetics and attempts to sell products to a group of women.
During his show’s week-long residence in Dallas, he attempts to become a Johnson County deputy. He seeks the help of Sheriff Bob Alford in learning the basics of law enforcement and tries out a few simulated crime scenes to test his skills.
Notaro returns to Conan as a stand-up comedian during the show’s week-long run in Dallas, Texas. Her routine talks about public swimming pool rules, her breasts’ vengeance on her and freaking out her friends through text.
Before I go, I want to give you a gift. Something that I like to do to friends of mine and I want you to use it. I like to send text messages to friends of mine at random times of the day that just say, “What is your ETA?” I love knowing that somewhere across town, somebody is frantically rifling through their emails and text messages in their underwear, trying to figure out what they agreed to do with me.
Barry delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about taking red-eye flights, his love of a Walgreen’s in Chicago and his three main classifications of food.
I’m kind of a picky eater, though. I have three categories of food: foods that I like, foods that I don’t like but understand why people like them, then there are foods that baffle me. Food I like—an easy one, pizza. Yum, delicious, no need for further discussion. Second category, sushi, I don’t like it. Totally get why people like it, though. What a beautiful, awful-tasting food that is.
Warpaint performs Love Is To Die live on Conan to promote their self-titled album.
O’Brien reviews the game, WWE 2K14 for his web series, Clueless Gamer. On the first match, he plays Sheamus against his senior digital producer Aaron Bleyaert’s Kane. On the second match, O’Brien creates a custom player based in his own likeness, which he plays against The Rock.
One of the great things about this game is you can design your own character. I’ve been hard at work at mine, and that’s me. The absence of an ass. The corpse-like skin color is correct. Absolute existential despair, that’s me. I’m ready to go.
Witty delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about the implications of losing one’s hair, being bad at handshakes, and being mistaken for being creepy.
I suck at handshakes, right, screw them up all the time and never know how I’ll screw it up. Recently I was at a bar and saw someone I knew at the bar. And I wanted to greet him. And the opposite end of the room. And I start walking over toward him, right. But as soon as I started walking, that’s when he saw me. And our eyes met, right? And I freaked out. And that’s when I—I pulled my hand out. Like, way too soon.
Betty White returns to the Conan couch and chats with O’Brien about her flirting technique and hotdog-inspired fan art. She also openly expresses her admiration toward fellow guest Jason Momoa’s magazine cover.
White on flirting:
Not good at it. Who wants to flirt with a 92-year-old woman? You don’t get any takers. Well, you always kind of flirt a little. It’s always fun. It gets you in trouble sometimes. Well, I mean, you know, when you’re with a group and then all of a sudden, you just hold somebody’s eyes just a bit.
American Authors perform Best Day Of My Life live on Conan to promote their debut album, Oh, What A Life.
Alexandro gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about drinking coffee and wine, the creepy way classical radio deejays speak, and his fondness for the stereotypical gay voice.
It is fun to do the gay voice though, you know? Like seriously, whatever. I should say “stereotypically flamboyant gay voice”. Not all gay people talk like that. Unfortunately.
O’Brien visits a local flower shop in Sherman Oaks and tries his hand – without much success – at arranging Valentine’s Day bouquets. He meets a customer at the store and offers to make and deliver the bouquet himself.
Feimster gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. Her routine talks about enjoying “modified” yoga poses, her fondness for Hooters, and resembling the entire family of Honey Boo Boo.
I want to get real for a second, guys. Have you ever been compared to the entire Honey boo boo family? Well, just me? Cool, cool, cool. That show came out and everybody start tweeting me, ‘Oh, my God, you look like Honey Boo Boo! You have to impersonate Honey Boo Boo!’ That is not a compliment, thank you.
The Hayden Triplets performs Single Girl live on Conan to promote their self-titled album. Producer Ry Cooder joins them on guitar.
Larry King visits Conan and talks to O’Brien about the late comedian Sid Caesar, his interviewing style, and his desire to by cryogenically frozen when he dies.
King on interviewing guests:
I left myself out of it. I didn’t use the word “I”. I asked short questions, listened to the answer. Listening is as important as what you ask because you have to follow up. I try to put guests at ease. I think it’s intrinsic, I was naturally curious. I still am.
Funches gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. He talks about racist stereotypes, profane tattoos, and adopting a “defective” cat.
Found out horrible news while I was there, they force you to read brochures. Did you know that 40% of all North American cats are obese? I don’t know why you would chuckle at that. I will repeat it so you understand the gravity of the situation. 40% of all North American cats are obese! That is only great news if you love fat pussy.
Jhené Aiko performs The Worst live on Conan to promote her EP, Sail Out.
Martin Scorsese sits down with O’Brien to promote his film Wolf of Wall Street. He talks about working with Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill, his experience with Quaaludes and his new way of navigating film sets.
Scorsese on his experience with drugs:
At that time, they were legal and I was actually prescribed a Quaalude for fear of flying. When you took this pill, it was like a five-hour flight, you took that pill, you didn’t care where you were.
Braxton and Babyface perform Hurt You live on Conan to promote their collaborative album, Love, Marriage & Divorce.
Case performs Ragtime live on Conan to promote her album, The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You. Indie-folk band Calexico joins her band in the performance.
O’Brien drops by a local L.A. pawnshop and tries to get as much money as he can for his personal memorabilia. Some of the items include an autographed photo, painting, custom G.I. Joe action figure, and a giant bobblehead. His assistant Sona Movsesian helps him negotiate.
The Kin performs On The Rise live on Conan to promote their new album, Get On It.
Burr returns to Conan and talks about his dislike for Super Bowl parties and journalists. He also shares his love of drinking and his support for Justin Bieber.
I have no problem with any of his behavior. His behavior is completely normal. The only thing I didn’t like was that shot where he was playing hoop. He hit like a 12-footer, and then he turns around, glaring at the camera, like I said he couldn’t do it or something.
Fairbanks appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. He talks about being part Native American, being scared of pranked while on a port-a-potty, and being compared to Michelangelo’s David.
I’m like a sculpture. I was told that at a museum, when I walked in, the lady was like “Wow, you have the body of Michelango’s David”. I’m white, quite smooth and missing most of my penis. Nah, come on. It’s all there, works great.
Union guests on Conan to promote her television show, Being Mary Jane. She also shares her obsession with big butts and exercise regimens of porn stars, and talks about trash-talking her fiancé, Dwyane Wade and other NBA players.
I’m bad, it’s awful. I make Richard Sherman seem like a Zen Buddhist. And Dwyane is not even immune. I become Richard Sherman, like it’s awful. I just lose my mind.
O’Brien spends some time with his show’s interns and gets to know what think of him. He asks them some questions about their complaints and duties on the show, and discovers that his assistant Sona sometimes uses his name to get the interns to do things for her.
Ash guests on Conan to promote her TV show, Super Fun Night. She also talks about her horrible dating experiences, including almost hooking up with a good-looking homeless person.
It’s a disaster. It’s a living nightmare. A guy comes over to my house. We have a nice date, comes over. Laughs into my mouth while he’s kissing me. Laughing into my mouth.
Daniels returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routine talks about being married to a highly-accomplished wife, and raising a teenage son based on his own childhood experiences.
You know what I would do without my wife? I would raise my kids to be at least this old. Because I have done it. I’ve gotten a human being to here! That’s why it never made sense for people who say, ‘I could never have a kid. I can’t keep a plant alive!’ You’re not a plant. You don’t have to know how photosynthesis works to keep a child alive.
Kid Ink performs his single Show Me on Conan to promote his debut album My Own Lane. He is joined onstage by Eric Bellinger, DJ Tech and DJ Mustard.
Panic! At The Disco gives a live performance of their single Miss Jackson on Conan to promote their fourth studio album Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! as well as their upcoming North American tour.
O’Brien visits the American Girl Place in Los Angeles and learns all about the brand’s doll selections. He suggests back stories for some of the dolls as well as a unique “play pattern” involving historical character dolls. He wines and dines at the in-house café along with a personally selected doll, which he names Agnes.
Lawrence returns as a guest on Conan to promote American Hustle. She talks about her fantasy job and accidental stash of sex toys. She also tells O’Brien about her childhood nickname and bed-wetting as a teenager.
I was unstoppably and uncontrollably hyper, which of course, isn’t happening now. I’m not proud of it. But yeah, I couldn’t be stopped by medication or anything. It didn’t even make a dent. I was just unbelievably hyper and so they started calling me “nitroglycerine”, which was shortened to “Nitro”.
Bad Religion performs O Come, O Come Emmanuel, a song from their latest album, Christmas Songs.
Papa gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about how cool smoking is, healthy living, and his dislike for being part of a clique.
If you’re at a party with a group of people, you run out of things to do. What do the smokers do? They go for a smoke, and they get to leave. I can’t leave. I got to sit there and take it.
O’Brien tries out the mobile ride-sharing Lyft for the first time along with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube. They catch a ride and drive around Hollywood, grabbing some snacks at 7-11 and buying takeout at Wendy’s.
Sloss appears on Conan to give a stand-up comedy performance. His routine talks about dealing with parents, the difference between losing a child and losing an iPhone, and his problems with being in a romantic relationship.
I’m a terrible boyfriend. You always have to do things when you’re in a relationship – for example, telling a girl that she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. I never told my ex-girlfriend that she was the most beautiful girl in the world and that was for personal reasons, because she wasn’t.
Goodie Mob gives a live performance of Amy on Conan, to promote their latest album, Age Against the Machine.
O’Brien attends gaming convention, BlizzCon 13, as a guest commentator in the World of Warcraft tournament. He tries to learn how to play the game without much success and proceeds to cover a match along with two professional announcers.
Yuna returns to the Conan stage to perform Rescue, a song from her latest album, Nocturnal.
Lavigne gives a live performance of Let Me Go, a track off her self-titled album.
O’Brien tries his hand at being a horse race announcer at the Santa Anita race track in California. With some instruction from renowned sportscaster Trevor Denman, he tries without much success to memorize all the colors and names of the participating horses. He ends up calling the race using unconventional terms and mentioning only two of the horses’ names, to the confusion of the audience.
So I had all these mnemonics set up for all of the horses and I had to completely forget everything. It’s like being told seconds before the SAT that it will be in German. So I was horrified.
Yenser appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. He talks about explaining American culture to tourists, the comparison between food and sex, and the unappetizing names of food items at fast food chains.
See here in America, we have so much clean, drinkable water that sometimes we just use the extra to decorate. And then what we do is we take our spare change, which is the extra money we have left over after buying everything we could possibly want. And we just throw it in the fountain and make a wish for a better life.
Queens of the Stone Age return to Conan to perform The Vampyre of Time and Memory, a track from their album …Like Clockwork. The band members wear suits and vocalist Josh Homme plays on a red piano.
O’Brien reviews three games for the Halloween edition of his Clueless Gamer web series. Along with his senior digital producer, Aaron Bleyaert, he plays Slender, Amnesia, and Outlast. He gave a series of terrified reactions for each game as their ratings.
Slenderman, I don’t understand. It’s a walk in the woods, you see a rather physically fit – trim – guy, and then the lights go out. Amnesia – forgettable. Outlast is fantastic, love this game.
Faris appears as a guest on Conan to promote her new sitcom, Moms. She also talks about her playtime habits as a child, including her make-believe Barbie brothel. She shares her childhood imaginary friend – a retainer named Alex.
I was a very, very dramatic child. But I wasn’t — I was also really shy. So you know how some like actors would be like oh, I was such a nerd and I didn’t have any friends? Well, I really didn’t have that many friends.
Nancherla appears as a stand-up comic on Conan. She talks about dealing with her white friends, people who sneeze too much, and a new game she invented.
Sometimes, I’ll make a mistake though, when one of my white friends apologizes to me, I’ll assume it’s for imperialism on some level. I know, it’s totally my issue, but it does lead to some weird situations.
Foley returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. Her routine talks about healthy living in California, discovering that she is gluten-intolerant, and transitioning into a gluten-free lifestyle.
There’s a magazine they give you when you leave the doctor’s office to help you transition into a gluten-free lifestyle. The magazine is called Living Without. It’s a thin magazine, and it comes with a razor blade. The worst news ever.