George R. R. Martin interview
Martin guests on the Conan and chats with O’Brien about differences between the deaths in the Games of Thrones books and the TV show, as well as President Obama’s reference to the hit show during the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. He also reveals his reluctance to include dragons in his stories.
I think magic has to be handled very carefully in fantasy. Phyllis was right. You need some magic in a fantasy, but too much magic is like too much salt in the stew. All you can taste is the salt and anything can happen.
Ryan Hamilton stand-up
Hamilton gives a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about his eternally cheerful facial expression, which does not accurately convey his true emotions. He also jokes about his struggles in dating and being single.
I always look like this. And I look really happy all the time. I am well aware that I look just ecstatic constantly. And I don’t feel like this. I really don’t. I feel — I feel OK. I feel fine. And I look crazy happy. I don’t really buy it really. I look in the mirror and I go, that is inaccurate.
Emily Heller stand-up
Heller does a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. Her routine talks about the rules of housesitting, making a cat sex tape and being a single woman in Los Angeles.
I love living in L.A. My favorite radio station here is KDAY. You guys like that? Awesome, they play ’90’s hip-hop which I love. My only problem with it is I am a woman and sometimes they talk about us like we can’t hear them. But don’t want to stop listening so instead I have been friending the songs are about something complete different and willfully destroying the lyrics like when Juvenile’s is like, “Girl you look good, back that thing up.” I’m like he’s probably singing about her hard drive.
Sharon Osbourne interview
Osbourne returns to Conan and talks about her dislike of singing talent shows and her husband Ozzy’s fondness for Taylor Swift.
I Don’t Wanna Live on Mars performance
Ziggy Marley returns to Conan to perform his latest single, I Don’t Wanna Live on Mars off the album, Fly Rasta.
Martin Short interview
Short returns to Conan and chats with O’Brien about his disdain for telemarketers and opinion on fellow-Torontian, Rob Ford. He also regales the audience with stories of parties that he’s attended including an anecdote about Nick Nolte. On his story-telling ability:
I can remember all dates. I was telling someone just the other day, I have this strange thing where I can remember dates. I know exactly what I was doing the third month into my 27th year.
Cristela Alonzo second stand-up
Alonzo returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. Her routine talks about her love-hate relationship with the Dallas Cowboys and her experience growing up in a poor, small town in Texas.
Tracy Morgan interview
Morgan returns as a guest at Conan to promote his stand-up show Bona Fide. He also talks about his newborn daughter, his alter ago, Chico Devine and how he got kicked out of Prince’s house.
I’ve got to leave Chico alone, I’ve got a beautiful daughter now. Chico Devine got me kicked out of Prince’s house. Prince is a freak, but I’m a big old freak. I’m a little bitty bing bong freak.
Marlon Wayans interview
Wayans appears on Conan to promote his comedy competition show Funniest Wins. He also talks about how different black people and white people age, his crush on Ronda Rousey and his fantasy of being subdued by her.
That’s just sexy, ain’t it? Look how aggressive she is. There’s something just about a woman that can you kick your behind. There’s just something sexy about it. I want Laila Ali to just punch me in the face. I want her to just take me…cause she does this move… an armbar.
Dan Soder second stand-up
Soder returns as a stand-up comic on Conan. His routines talks about spending time with his grandmother, society’s treatment of the elderly and the degeneration of today’s youth.
You know what really disturbs me the most, though, the thought that that’s the generation that’s going to have to defend us against China? Feel safe? Feel safe knowing that, an entire army in 20 years, they would storm the beach like, “But I have a shell fish allergy”.
Cool Song No. 2 performance
MGMT performs their song Cool Song No. 2 on Conan to promote their self-titled album. Lead vocalist Andrew VanWyngarden sports a checked cape and fuzzy hood, while the rest of the band dons black-and-white patterned onesies.
Cold October performance
Escondido appears on Conan to perform Cold October a song from their latest LP, The Ghost of Escondido.
Rob Gleeson stand-up
Gleeson does a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about recently coming out as gay, events in his childhood that may have showed signs of his sexual orientation and his new experiences with the gay community.
For months I just thought that’s what happens when you come out of the closet, people just start screaming like a maniac. What I eventually figured out was that candle had been sitting there for hours when I blew it out, I showered her face with hot wax. I glazed it like it was a donut.
Charles Barkley interview
During Conan’s week-long residence in Dallas, Texas, Charles Barkley sits down with O’Brien and Richter to chat about rich athletes who are poor tippers. He also shares his opinion on football players, and reacts to a doctored photo of him that Shaquille O’Neal posted online.
On his rivalry with O’Neal:
You know, I choose not to do any social media, so I’m not going to take any shots back at him.
Mary Kay skit
During his show’s week-long residence in Dallas, Texas, O’Brien visits the Mary Kay headquarters and tries out being one of their beauty consultants for a day. Guided by an actual consultant, he learns how to use some the brand’s cosmetics and attempts to sell products to a group of women.
Tig Notaro third stand-up
Notaro returns to Conan as a stand-up comedian during the show’s week-long run in Dallas, Texas. Her routine talks about public swimming pool rules, her breasts’ vengeance on her and freaking out her friends through text.
Before I go, I want to give you a gift. Something that I like to do to friends of mine and I want you to use it. I like to send text messages to friends of mine at random times of the day that just say, “What is your ETA?” I love knowing that somewhere across town, somebody is frantically rifling through their emails and text messages in their underwear, trying to figure out what they agreed to do with me.
Texas Deputy skit
During his show’s week-long residence in Dallas, he attempts to become a Johnson County deputy. He seeks the help of Sheriff Bob Alford in learning the basics of law enforcement and tries out a few simulated crime scenes to test his skills.
Todd Barry stand-up
Barry delivers a stand-up comedy performance on Conan. His routine talks about taking red-eye flights, his love of a Walgreen’s in Chicago and his three main classifications of food.
I’m kind of a picky eater, though. I have three categories of food: foods that I like, foods that I don’t like but understand why people like them, then there are foods that baffle me. Food I like—an easy one, pizza. Yum, delicious, no need for further discussion. Second category, sushi, I don’t like it. Totally get why people like it, though. What a beautiful, awful-tasting food that is.
Love Is To Die performance
Warpaint performs Love Is To Die live on Conan to promote their self-titled album.
WWE 2K14 game review
O’Brien reviews the game, WWE 2K14 for his web series, Clueless Gamer. On the first match, he plays Sheamus against his senior digital producer Aaron Bleyaert’s Kane. On the second match, O’Brien creates a custom player based in his own likeness, which he plays against The Rock.
One of the great things about this game is you can design your own character. I’ve been hard at work at mine, and that’s me. The absence of an ass. The corpse-like skin color is correct. Absolute existential despair, that’s me. I’m ready to go.
